"Hmm..."
For the first time since I was born, I held another human body in my arms. It was light as if it could float away, and so soft it felt like it might crumble that I found it difficult to move my arms.
"Your expression is awkward. At this rate... ugh!"
Mother frowned and placed her hand on her temple.
"It's useless anyway. All you can do is watch!"
A conversation of souls. Unlike me, Mother couldn't completely devour souls, so sometimes she would end up competing with the body's original owner like this. Of course, such resistance would soon disappear.
"You can do it, right?"
After imprisoning the body's owner in the depths of their soul, Mother grabbed my shoulders.
"Of course."
I ignored the foul stench smoldering deep in my chest. I nodded quickly, burning with the desire to see Mother's smiling face again.
***
I headed to Zieghart with Martha. The memory fragment seemed to have worked, as she regarded me as her benefactor.
"Um, is this really the right place...?"
Martha's hands trembled, seemingly intimidated by the massive gates that seemed to touch the sky. I felt the same way, but with Denier's memories and emotions wrapped around my mind, I nodded calmly.
"It will be fine."
Holding Martha's small hand tightly, I crossed Zieghart's massive main gate and entered the audience chamber where Glenn waited. Glenn Zieghart, the Destructive King of the North. The man considered the strongest among the leaders of the Six Kings and Five Demons truly possessed an aura and presence that sent chills down one's spine.
A chill ran down my spine as if his sword might fall upon my head at any moment.
"Who is this child?"
Glenn asked about Martha first.
"She's a child who lost her village and parents to the White Blood Religion. I rescued her when she got into danger while tracking them alone, and brought her here."
I explained that I brought her along because I feared she would end up dying at the hands of the White Blood Religion if left alone.
"She has good talent for swordsmanship and a pure nature, so I would like to take her in."
As Mother had instructed, I bowed my head while expressing my desire to adopt Martha as my daughter.
"M-my name is Martha."
Sensing the conversation was about her, Martha knelt beside me.
"..."
Glenn silently stared at Martha and me with an intense gaze.
"Denier."
"Yes."
I raised my head, feeling a heart that wasn't mine pounding as if it would burst.
"This is a heavy responsibility. If you're going to do it, take responsibility until the end."
Glenn nodded as if giving permission. I had prepared several responses fitting Denier's personality in case of rejection, but Glenn gave his permission without much comment. Not out of indifference, but because he seemed to trust me... no, trust Denier.
"I understand. I will absolutely take responsibility until the end."
Responsibility. I nodded without knowing just how heavy that word would be.
***
The Wise Martial Palace, befitting a faction led by Denier, was a place where warm-hearted people gathered. However...
"Get out!"
Martha couldn't warm up to the people of the Wise Martial Palace. She cursed at the maids, pushed away the stewards, and always wore a scowl. Not because she was evil. In her eyes, everyone in the world looked like White Blood Religion members hiding their true identities.
"It's alright. It's okay."
I hugged Martha tightly as she cried while lashing out at people, telling her it was okay. Perhaps Mother's memory manipulation had worked, as Martha followed only me. Though she sometimes acted shy or awkward, she never avoided my touch.
Human warmth was warmer than the heat from a fireplace. Through Martha, I came to understand humans a little better.
It was a happy time as I found my own joy while helping Mother. However, the spiritual pain of deceiving Martha and everyone in Zieghart also came with it. This must be what humans call conscience.
Living as Martha's father and master of the Wise Martial Palace, I visited Mother whenever I went out on missions.
I shared information about Zieghart, and gained strength and experience as the 13th Apostle by drinking Mother's blood and the blood of martial artists.
"How wonderful!"
Mother praised me as always. That smile dulled the blade of conscience somewhat.
"Father!"
Martha would come out to the main gate to welcome me whenever I returned from missions. Though I felt proud as if she were truly my daughter, the blade of conscience that had been dulled thanks to Mother now pierced my soul even more sharply. While these wounds in my soul were increasing, I heard that Martha had been defeated by Raon.
When I went to comfort Martha, contrary to my expectations, she didn't get angry but instead cut her hair with a relieved expression. She changed after that day. She began to trust Raon, found a master she could follow with her heart, and gained friends who shared a bond of camaraderie.
My insides churned and I couldn't sleep. My daughter. The precious daughter I had raised without letting a single drop of water touch her now trusted people other than me, and it irritated me. Jealousy. I felt jealousy for the first time. Though I was angry, I became a little closer to being human.
Since I thought of myself as Martha's real father, the jealousy didn't last long, and I only wished for her to live happily.
I buried deep beneath my memories the fact that Martha might one day become Mother's new body. Whenever Martha smiled at me, I felt happiness as if I had truly given birth to her. Even the arguments with Karoon and Balder's stupid remarks were enjoyable, and seeing my subordinates follow me gave me an incomparable sense of fulfillment.
Living in Zieghart, I was becoming human rather than the lump of blood called Number 4404. However, the more attached I grew to Zieghart, the deeper my anguish became.
Because I had come to love Martha and this family as much as I loved Mother, I couldn't properly decide what I should do.
Life as the 13th Apostle, life as Denier, life as a father, and life as Number 4404.
Born a monster and raised as one, having learned about society through human memories, I didn't know how to find the answer. While spending time in such torment, I happened to overhear a conversation between Raon and Glenn.
Though I had felt some jealousy because of Martha, I wasn't particularly interested in Raon himself. I only occasionally gave him pitying looks to play my role as Denier.
Even when the three-way battle between the White Blood Religion and Zieghart broke out after Raon was kidnapped by Eden, I was performing other duties and didn't think much of him. But when I heard his goal, I was greatly shocked. Sylvia's return to the direct lineage. Everyone in Zieghart would laugh at those words.
That was natural, as noble families made a huge distinction between direct and branch families, making it impossible to cross between them. Especially since Sylvia had left the direct lineage of her own accord and returned, I thought it was impossible.
But Raon spoke of this impossible task, worked hard, and eventually built up achievements that even the direct family members who disliked him had to acknowledge, and restored Sylvia to the direct lineage.
It was astounding. My common understanding of humans was shattered. I admired Raon's initiative to act first before overthinking things. After the day Raon became part of the direct lineage, I always watched him.
"Raon Zieghart has become part of Zieghart's direct lineage. And the information from the Shadow Agents is..."
For the first time, I gave Mother false information. It was fortunate there were no White Blood Religion spies in Zieghart's upper ranks; if I had had a Rage worm inside me, I would have died long ago.
"Well done."
Mother nodded and smiled at me despite my lies. Strangely, her smile seemed unsatisfying and empty compared to before, as if devoid of any emotion.
"Ah, there's one more thing. This time at the Central Martial Palace..."
I spoke more to Mother while revealing new information.
"I see. We'll have to withdraw our followers from there. Well done."
Mother smiled again, but that smile too was hollow. It was just a smile put on for show. Come to think of it...
At some point, Mother had started only repeating "well done" to me. I had never heard her say things a real mother would say.
When I realized how empty Mother's smiles and words were, I remembered Martha's face, always welcoming me with a bright smile. The contrast was so stark it made my heart ache painfully. After that day, I began manipulating the information I gave to Mother, careful not to get caught.
Living two lives was incredibly difficult and painful, but seeing Martha's smile was enough to ease all the pain.
I developed martial arts that could erase bloody energy and repel Mother's soul, then passed them on to Martha. Though it was difficult martial arts, Martha followed along well.
"Martha."
While eating with Martha after finishing swordsmanship training, I called her name.
"Yes?"
Martha smiled with her eyes, pasta sauce on her lips. It was a smile she showed only to me.
"Well..."
I wanted to tell her. That I wasn't the real Denier Zieghart, but an artificial being created by the White Blood Religion's leader. But I wanted to tell her that I had thought of her as my real daughter.
"Never mind."
I shook my head with a light smile. I couldn't open my mouth, imagining Martha's smile turning to anger and disgust toward me.
"You're being silly."
"I do prefer bland food."
I changed the subject with meaningless words while secretly biting my tongue.
Though I was enduring somehow for now, what should I do if Mother summoned me as the 13th Apostle? It was so painful and anxiety-inducing.
I was a coward who didn't want to see either Mother's or Martha's disappointment. I was actually happy that I hadn't known about today's war with the White Blood Religion. If I had known, I would have endlessly agonized over whether to tell Mother or not.
Truthfully, I felt relieved when Glenn didn't call for the Wise Martial Palace, as I didn't want to participate in the war itself.
But seeing Martha screaming as she cut down the blood demons made my soul tremble violently.
"Martha..."
Though Martha's expression was like a demon's, she was crying inside. It was an expression that only I, who had raised her since childhood, could recognize. Watching Martha wailing, I finally made the choice I had agonized over for so long. I realized where I needed to go.
Glenn Zieghart. Though he hadn't given birth to me, this man who treated me as a son sent me and the Wise Martial Palace to the battlefield with eyes full of trust, telling me to make sure to help Martha.
I remembered what he said when I adopted Martha. Responsibility. Yes. I had to take responsibility as a father.
I helped Martha face the 10th Apostle, and in the end, Martha achieved her revenge by herself.
"I want to say I'm sorry to you..."
The 10th Apostle said he was sorry while looking at Martha and me before collapsing. It seemed he was apologizing not just to Martha, but also to me who had to live a false life.
After closing the 10th Apostle's eyes, I ran with Martha to the battlefield where Mother and the Five Kings' Transcendents were fighting.
Mother was in a much more dangerous fight than I had imagined, and even faced serious danger because of Raon. To avoid death, she spoke the words she had originally prepared for Glenn - words I had never wanted to hear.
"Come!"
The words to summon me as the 13th Apostle. Mother called me to kill Lecross, who was the most threatening presence here.
Whoosh! I finally shed Denier's skin and, as the thirteenth apostle, stabbed Lecross in the chest from behind. In truth, Balder's dagger was too slow to stop my sword. My failure to kill Lecross was my own choice.
After throwing the dying Lecross to Raon, I grabbed Martha, who might have done something dangerous, and paralyzed her.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Though I couldn't properly look at my daughter's eyes filled with shock and sadness, I couldn't avoid them either. I grabbed Martha's collar and retreated behind Mother.
"Give Martha back!"
Raon and the Five Kings' Transcendents were terribly strong. They fought against Mother and me, who had drunk the white soul wine, burning not just their aura and mana but even their life force. Especially Raon Zieghart, who grew stronger as he fought using his superhuman growth rate. I had anticipated many things, but this was an exception.
Having taken heavy damage from Raon, I desperately stuffed blood from the ground into my mouth to forcibly recover my strength.
In the end, Mother pushed back Raon and the Five Kings' Transcendents, but her body seemed to have reached its limit and couldn't move. Contrary to my expectations, Mother said she would take over Martha's body right here. Everything I had prepared became useless.
"You, I'll kill you!"
Martha spat out the curse she had been holding back at me. Though my daughter's cry hurt deeply, I had to continue forward for her sake. I offered the cursing Martha to Mother.
Whether it was true that Mother had achieved soul growth or not, she used just drops of blood to suppress Martha's soul and began seeping into her body.
Looking at Raon's eyes that refused to give up until the end, I steeled my resolve. I turned around and drove my sword into Mother's heart as she was trying to force blood into Martha's mouth and suppress her soul. With a squelch! Mother, who had been maintaining the spiritual connection, couldn't react to my sword and simply exposed her chest.
"Ah...?"
As soon as Martha opened her eyes, she widened them at the sight of my sword piercing the White Blood Religion leader's heart.
"You, you're crazy..."
Mother frowned at me for the first time as she grabbed my sword that had pierced her heart.
"What are you doing!"
"Family and memories are too precious to humans. We are monsters who steal those things."
I shook my head, saying I couldn't live like this anymore.
"You fool! Did you think I had left you unchecked!"
As Mother's eyes flashed, an extreme pain like my soul being crushed by a rock struck me.
"Kuhek!"
I coughed up black, dead blood while gasping for breath. Seeing pieces of internal organs among the blood, it seemed she had inscribed a death curse on my soul. Honestly, I had expected this.
"What you've done now has no meaning."
Mother frowned, saying it was just a waste of time.
"No. It has meaning. I, who was born a monster..."
While releasing the paralysis on Martha's body, I held her hand tightly, just as I did when she had nightmares.
"Because I can die as a human."
I smiled at Martha, not Mother, with a smile that contained Denier's life.
"Martha. It's your turn now."